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Tuesday, September 16, 2008 ♥ 9/16/2008 08:12:00 PM

Double sadness and 刺激 that i recieved. I got an C first time for whole year 2. I was shocked and all my hope was being crashed and demoralised by this grade. I dunno what i can do anymore. First sadness: I listen to what the lesson(Chemistry), and in the end, she gave me an C. fair? i doubt so. Second Sadness: which i mentioned in my previous post, i was being bullied. Is heaven punishing me...? Double attack~ now i totally lost interest in studying...No point studying and working hard. All my efforts went to waste. Totally~
Now make me dislike Chemistry..She was far more worst than Erhan....=( I did listen attentively..Her quiz questions i score well...just that i din speak more.....Make me lost interest in speaking up.... :'(

I seriously don no what to do, and what i can react..I only can treAt nothing happen. But i don think i can smile like before....I want to cry out and reflect on myself...Why am i becoming this way, and why i deserved this kind of treatment? i must have done wrong somewhere.. From the start of the lesson, i know that in this semester. 注定 i wont score well. Even i work very hard than before, my 遭遇 will be twice worst. No matter how much i cried.. Result is being shown. Hard work are not paid off.So what the point to carry on. Though i want to do better, i really really want to do better in this sem. But i am just too simple and stupid. Whatever i do is wrong. i just don make thing right. I want to cry, but i cant do it in front of ppl... I only can do it secretly...I really dislike this semester... Faci demanding, topic diffcult, lot of pressure, inclusive worrying about PP poster presentation, Searching for FYP partners, Studies(UTS, daily grade). I worry a lot, i really really scare that i will fail my grade...and i wont be able to promote to year 3....

Believe me, i really want to be better...i just cant....Why cant i be more smarter...Why cant i get the concept faster than others...Why whatever i do is extra...?I really should knock senses into myself....

Make me lost interest in Studies....But i cant just give up that easily..Some one please give me motivation....
i really want to work hard and study well.. I don want history to repeat itself.....
i don want to fall back into my 阴影...but can i be happy...? or my smiles are fake...?